Choices

Tuesdays are fun days because if there is one day during the week that we go visit Joel at school it is on Tuesdays.  Today we went to a really yummy cafe on a corner of the downtown area.  They have a Tuesday special where you buy a pasta and get a yummy pizza for free.  I love their food, the flavor is always incredible, the wait staff is attentive and the prices are great.

After we dropped Joel off for his two o'clock surgery Lydia and I went to the mall.  I like to take her to the mall and tell her that she is in charge.  She knows that she can choose any store to go into, look at whatever she wants and leave whenever she wants.  I think this little amount of freedom is good for her self esteem.  Today she wanted to go into Journeys kids shoe store twice, look at the makeup and shoes in Macy's, then go into Wet Seal.  She has incredible taste and I love going window shopping with her.

She calls this "her hand" because we make cut-outs of her hand out of black paper.  Have you ever seen a cuter little girl?!

I also love to people watch and often wonder what is going on in their lives and all that.  Today we saw two women, obviously not related to each other pushing a wheelchair with a young man suffering from what I guessed to be Cerebral Palsy.  I looked down to Lydia to see what her reaction would be.  She was mildly curious until the boy made some moaning sounds.  She asked me why the boy made the sound that he did and tried to imitate it.  I told her that some times people had poor health that made their lives hard, but did she notice the women were taking care of him?  Lydia then commented how sweet those women were and how much they loved the boy.
Then we had the misfortune due to a large amount of lemonade being consumed by Lydia at lunch to have to *quickly* find a restroom.  The closest one was the public restroom of the mall.  It was dirty, smelly and most of the stalls were unusable.  After we quickly completed our business a cleaning women came in and started groaning and commenting on how gross the bathroom was.  As we were leaving I remarked how she had a hard job that day and wished her luck.  In my mind I was grateful that I didn't clean toilets (well other people's toilets) for a living.  Then we passed a man that had just finished cleaning the male restroom.  He was whistling a tune familiar to only himself and smiled as we passed.  Maybe the men's restroom was cleaner, but I'm guessing he would have been whistling even if it wasn't.
The rest of the time that we were there I noticed more about people's attitudes, some were happy, some were unhappy.  Some smiled back as they passed me, others avoided my smile.  Many commented on what a cute shopping companion I had (she was adorable today).

In life I have often felt like control that I had over my situations was minimal.  My disease demands attention in all areas of my, and usually chooses situations I am able or unable to be in.  There are many choices that I would like to have but do not. Over the last few years I realized that I was deluded in thinking that much of my life is out of my control.  Yes, I have no control whatsoever in having children, but I do have the control in then realizing that area of my life is in someone's hand that is far more capable than I am.  Yes I have a horrible disease that continues to run rampant and will not respond the way I hoped to treatments, but I get to choose to continue and not give up.  Not only that, I get to choose to be happy and realize my blessings.  Choice is something that we always have, no matter what our situation.  A great example of that is in one of my favorite books: Man's Search for Meaning.

I always thought that by the time I was in my late (sigh) twenties I would have life figured out.  I wonder really if anyone ever figures it out.  February was a particularly hard month for me, I had a flare-up from my Crohn's because I tried (for the last time *ever*) fertility treatments.  I used to have really bad days, that I can really only lay or sit down, several times a week from my Crohn's.  I have been blessed in the last year or so to have them very infrequently, like once a month.

Well this past week I had one of those days and Lydia asked me the question that I didn't think I would be asked until she was much older.  Mommy, why do you have Crohn's?  Since I wasn't expecting this for a while, I hadn't really thought out an answer.  I just said the the first words that I thought of, "Heavenly Father loved mommy and knew that I am a good person.  But he also knew that I would be a much better person and a better mommy if I had Crohn's"  I have thought of this statement frequently since I spoke with Lydia about it.  I truly believe it.  I also know that without Crohn's, I wouldn't have been able to help as many people through their lives as I have been blessed to.

For me life is about being content, and learning to submit myself to the will of my Heavenly Father.  I think I am getting closer to understanding that.

Well, I think this musing is long, and anyone who even read the whole thing deserves a candy bar or something :o)  I think I am going to go play with Lydia and then make dinner for my beautiful family.

We go to story time

And read stories, make crafts, dance to music and have fun with friends.

A few pictures from when there was no snow

In our house we jump on beds, jump on couches, make forts out of kitchen chairs and blankets.  We play hide and go seek, make cookies, and have pajama parties.  With all of the snow outside, where else are you supposed to ride your bike?  

Here are her two babies, Erika and Annie.  Right now they are snuggled up to her, under the covers and sleeping ever so soundly with their mommy.  Today they hid under our fort, ate lunch with us and later helped to make dinner.  We watched the snow fall outside the window while we were all toasty warm. Lydia was kind enough to share the coveted spot on the air vent with her babies, true selfless love right there.  When asked what Lydia wants to be when she grows up, she always replies, "A Mommy"  And what do Mommies do? "Stay home with their babies, Daddies go to work so the Mommies stay home."    I know that not all moms get that luxury, I'm grateful to be one of the ones that does. 

Lots going on, but nothing really important enough to really write down, you know?
I wrote a blog post a couple days ago, meant to save it as a draft, but published instead- my bad! I don't think I will re-post it, I was under a little black rain cloud when I wrote it and don't like to have posts that are negative on my blog ;o)
I'm really enjoying having an "almost doctor" in the house.  I was REALLY sick this weekend, sicker than I can ever remember being from a virus.  My Humira doesn't really watch my back, only my intestines hehe, so I get sick really easily, really bad, and can't get over it.  It started with these really crazy body shakes and I get really cold and my body can't warm up, then once I finally did warm up I spiked a temp of 102.9 in no time.  I was so dizzy the room was spinning and I felt like I was floating.  It was weird.
Luckily my personal doctor was home and he whisked me into our bedroom to keep the germs away from Lydia and helped get my temp down.  He was so sweet to bring me pain reliever throughout the night and made sure my drink cup was never empty.  It is really becoming evident that he really has enough knowledge to have earned his MD degree in just over a year.  Crazy.  Medical School has been kind of what I thought and a little bit different at the same time.  Probably a lot harder.  It's hard to be a wife of a medical student.  Hours are long, studying is never ending.  It's a long, long road.  I realize that not all fields are great and that most people put in long hours to get to where they want to go, but at least they get a paycheck :o)  The time that we are putting in right now will hopefully payoff at the end.  I keep daydreaming of the day that residency will be over, actually though I would love to have it be the day after Match Day, then we will at least know where we are going.  This summer he has 3 away rotations coming up, each of them are a month long.  They     call them audition rotations so the program can see how you work and all of that before they see your applications.  We are still trying to figure out how that is going to work out, and where he is going.  It would be nice to go with him for a least part of each one so I can see the areas to see if I like them!
Joel's just finishing his OB rotation which has been pretty cool.  He has been there for several births, more c-sections than not.  I am kinda (okay REALLY) glad that he is not interested in this field.  The hours are crazy.  Last week he had to work nights, which really by this point isn't a big deal at all.  So he went into work at 4:30 and the shift went to 7:00 the next morning.  Luckily he only worked past 11:00 a few times and only once did he really have to work until the next morning.  It gave him a lot of time to go into school and study during the day.  I really missed him putting down Lydia.  With him being gone and busy so much I sometimes think that I am doing the home thing all by myself, which mostly I am.  But come on, I'm okay with that.  Joel works so much at school, then comes home and has to write a paper, put together a presentation, or write a patient workup, which is always followed up by studying up on what his patients have and treatments for them.  Before Medical School I didn't understand how much work a medical student really has.  I'm so impressed with him doing so well when he devotes time to our family, most of the people in his class are single or married without families and so they study non-stop.  I can't remember the last time he was in bed before 1:00, and he isn't ever staying up watching tv or reading for fun.  Then he gets up at 5:00 the next morning to study before rotations.  I'm so grateful that he takes time to eat with us almost every night, always puts Lydia down and frequently does the dinner dishes.  I'm so lucky that he makes such an effort to help relieve my stresses when his are so high.

Lydia is cuter and cuter every day, super busy and hard to keep up with.  I am enjoying each stage and only slightly mourn now as she moves on :o)
Her favorite things to play right now are with her two little dollies that her Auntie Laurie gave her for her first birthday.  She has named them Annie and Erica and she is the best little mommy I have ever seen.  I am meaning to take more pictures of our days to document what is going on.  I used to take so many pictures but then I felt I was missing the moments too much by being behind the camera.  Now I think I have gone too far the other way when I don't think to capture something until it is too late!  Happy balance right?

So while I don't promise another post anytime soon..... I do promise that it will be one of pictures!

Sweet Prayers

Tonight Lydia said a very sweet prayer:
Please bless the prophet and his aposables that they may leave your church.  We were giggling too hard to tell her that they actually *lead* our church.  I think we might have that conversation tomorrow on the way to church.