I love you

All boxed up

December 2007

A crib is many things to different moms. To some is a moment of solace, a chance to shower without worrying what your child is getting into. It is the protector of your sleeping 3 month old, who is just learning to roll over. A source of panic as your child learns that they can climb out at will.

This crib is more than that to me. Although I do not have a circus performer on my hands that would try daring feats to get out of her bars, Bittie was growing too big to be comfortable in this crib anymore.

Our simple brown crib is hope to me. Joel and I purchased this crib in 2003, off of a baby website and rushed home anxiously each day to see if it arrived. It was content with it's place on the website's catalog, not at the top with the most expensive but closer to the bottom. It did not care that it didn't have character or color to match with the hottest baby trends. It was more interested in the cargo that it would carry. It knew that it was sturdy enough for it's resident to jump up and down, and teeth the sides. It knew that it would have to be called on to be the second safest place next to the arms of a mom and dad.

Albeit the crib stayed safe and dry in the box, I lovingly made crib bumpers in 2004 in anticipation for the call that we would finally be able to bring a baby home. In 2005 we moved it and kept it safe from a flood in my sister's house. Again in 2005 I moved it to the storage closet because I did not think that we would ever be able to use it. Every time I opened the closet to move or use the items, this crib never taunted me but would whisper hope to me.

The beginning of June 2007 we excitedly unpacked it into a room, that was the first room decorated, in anticipation for our little miracle. And now it has been taken down, cleaned with love and remembrance of the many times she gummed it. The many times I cleaned it because she painted with the contents of her diaper. The moments that I fell asleep next to it because I just wanted to be near her. Walking into her room in the middle of the night, lifting her up very gently and changing her diaper, then singing (or more often falling asleep) to her while I nursed.

I had a quiet hope in my heart that it wouldn't ever be taken down, that by some miracle it might be a haven for another miracle. And for a moment that hope came true, I was imagining another baby that it would have again protected this Christmas. But Heavenly Father had another plan for that baby. To me it brought hope again, that maybe we may have more children.

Although this is a painful farewell, I do not feel that I am saying goodbye to it forever, but just till we meet again.

Bittie, and Rock and McQueen

Our days have been busy, and fun. My nights have been busy, and contemplative. Almost every working mom in my neighborhood has requested that I watch their child/ren so they can go to work, since I'm a stay at home mom..... I won't confide all of my thoughts on that matter except that I was somewhat flattered to be asked. I did watch one little girl for a few months only on Tuesdays but for several reasons it didn't work out.

These cute little boys are only at our house for a couple hours a day, 3 times a week, just until October. Bittie absolutely adores Rock and babies him and is such a little mother to him, "Oh what is that Rock? A toy? Are you having fun honey?" I love that she is repeating the kind words that she hears me say, and it really boosts my confidence that maybe I am doing a pretty good job!

The top picture is of Bittie and McQueen who is a year older than she is. As you can tell they LOVE each other, and do get along really well. I think the secret is the 2 hour increments. Any longer than that and both Bittie and I am more than ready to send them home!

And you better believe that I eat up Rock's cheeks the whole time they are here!