A RARE night with Joel

Roasting hotdogs with homemade chili, eating s'mores, and having fun in our backyard. Going inside and taking warm showers- it doesn't get better than this!

What happens when....

You are doing your surgery rotation and are working over 90 hours a week? You fall asleep while putting your daughter to bed.

More Musings

I hope no one gets bored or sick with my thoughts and musings, but I find this very therapeutic and hope that I might help someone (if anyone is even reading this!)

Obviously since it took so long for us to have Lydia we wanted to start trying right away to hopefully have another one. I would have loved to have them 10 months apart. But that wasn't Heavenly Father's plan for us. Most of the trials that I have gone through in my life have taught me to trust in Heavenly Father and to align my life with His will and to trust that He has a greater plan for me.

It has been really hard for me to see other people getting pregnant so easily, and to be able to plan how much and how often their family would grow. Not that I am not happy for them or incredibly excited, because I am. Like a lot, I love it when people have babies! I just wish that I would have the same ability. I can't describe the pain that one trying to conceive feels when month after month everything happens the same. Living in two week increments, and counting down the days. The money that it costs to try to help things work out, and the havoc that the medications cause on your already rocky emotions. It is a feeling of deepest pain and sorrow. And for a women you sometimes feel like you are missing your purpose and what you are created for. I just finished my last cycle of Clomid that I will ever take, ever again. Because it doesn't help, it doesn't do anything to up my chances. After seeing multiple doctors regarding this, they don't know what is wrong.
Since May when I had my last miscarriage I have been thinking a lot. I do not know why I am not able to have children, but I feel at peace with it. I have the blessing to be married to one of the noblest man on Earth. I am blessed to be the mother to an angel. A sweet little girl who calls me her best friend. As much as I want a sibling for her, I know that Heavenly Father knew that she would be our only one for a while. And so I have faith that she will be okay. I am also loving and cherishing the time that I have with her one-on-one. Our relationship is growing and I know that we will always be close. A gift that I would not have if I had another child at this point. My health has NEVER been this good, and I know that is a blessing from a loving Heavenly Father. I have faith to know, and truly know this time around that my life is in His hands. I am too blessed in the other areas of my life to feel like I am being ignored or neglected. As if our loving Heavenly Father would EVER neglect any of us. Everything that we have is because he has blessed us, and he loves and wants to bless us.
For some reason, this is not my time. Heavenly Father has different plans for our lives, plans that I am excited to carry out. I do not know what he has planned for us, but I do know that He is a loving Heavenly Father. Who loves me. In the Doctrine and Covenants 122 Heavenly Father told Joseph:
Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

I love the scriptures for the peace and assurance that they bring. I have never been asked to withstand the horrible hardships that the early saints had to endure. My life is a blessed and wonderful life, that most people would give anything to live. And I acknowledge that, and am eternally grateful for it. As I said before, whatever happens in my life, I am grateful for it. Truly and eternally grateful.